Tuesday, February 15, 2005

the grocer



Whatever happened to sentences such as: "I'm going to visit the grocer"? At some point along the way it's become the grocery store, a thing instead of a person. This could be my opportunity to talk about how life used to be so much more relational than it is now, and how with the advent of big conglomerates and technology things are so much more about the individual than the community.

I'm more concerned at the moment though with grocery shopping philosophies... why people buy the things they buy, and the various shopping strategies employed by the food consuming public. My friend Jenn goes with the grocery list, where you write out ahead of time what you're going to buy - smoked tuscan mustard, northeastern red snapper, etc. - and ignore any deals or cravings that hit you at the store. She actually even writes her list in an order reflective of the layout of her particular grocery store (formerly grocer). I guess this means putting down the Yoplait Blueberry Crumble yogurt immediately before or after the Promised Land chocolate milk, and putting hot dogs and hot dog buns on completely different parts of the list since they're never close together in the store (even though it's completely logical to put down hot dog buns right after hot dogs, since they go together back at home).

My friend Erin subscribes to a fairly similar philosphy to my own; she just shows up at the store when she's been out of food for a while and buys whatever strikes her fancy. Free samples might sway her, a 2 for 1 deal on Strawberry Poptarts might suck her in... you never know. Sometimes she runs out of food and doesn't feel like going to the store, so she just mooches off of her roommate (Kristen). Apparently Kristen is completely ok with this, which must be a girl thing (or a Christian display of putting treasure in heaven thing)... b/c at my house I'm only allowed to mooch food when it's been around for more than a month, untouched; and that's only b/c there are people starving somewhere and it would be rude to let perfectly good food go perfectly bad. I asked Erin if Kristen shared her food with drop-ins as well, and she said yes. I'm considering becoming their resident Kramer, b/c I'm hungry, and frankly everyone needs a Kramer.

My other friend Jimmy likes to go to the store hungry, which I find extremely dangerous. Me going to the store hungry often ends with me buying $80 worth of things, none of which go together (unless you're a pregnant woman, in which case popcorn chicken and oatmeal somehow mix). It seems to work for him though, so I'll leave him to his devices.

As interesting as all of this may be, it pales in comparison to what goes on in the 10 items or less line. I tend to frequent the 10 items or less line b/c I do the run out of food before grocer-ing thing, and even then don't like to commit to a full hour in the store. My less than 10 items tend to consist of key things such as cereal, milk, and frozen chicken pot pies.

What interests me is other peoples less than 10 items. I mean these are the things that they need to the point that they left the cozy confines of home for standing in line. The other night I was in the 10... line and there were two guys behind me. One of these guys had Bud Light and asparagus. Really? The two things you couldn't live without were Bud Light and asparagus? I could understand Bud Light and toilet paper or asparagus and a fine wine of some sort... but Bud Light and asparagus? The only thing I can fathom is that the Bud Light was for him, and the asparagus was for a neighbor (probably female) who didn't want to leave the cozy confines.

The other guy had a frozen pizza and bleach. Now you can't even eat bleach (and you definitely shouldn't drink it). Apparently this guy's idea of a good time was making himself some pizza, convincing himself it was delivery, and giving the sink a good rub down. (I only did a couple of double takes, but I'm pretty sure it wasn't Danny Tanner.)

Consider grocery shopping and the societal ramifications my bane.

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